Further in the deep
by MyMagentaPeach
Summary: S3 Klaine: Blaine ends up at Kurt's home, broken and scared. Kurt feels terrible that it takes him a while to realize. Can things be fixed? Can Blaine let Kurt in as completely as he truly needs it? Will Blaine's mom showing up hurt or help? And what will Kurt learn about Blaine he had never known before.kid!Blaine memories, and one of our boys fluffy and head over heels in love.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:  
**I do not own Glee.

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**A/N: **This will probably be a two shot, maybe three, I think. No idea where this plot bunny came from. Oh well, I'll just be a good storyteller and keep following it down the rabbit hole it decides to take.

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**Further in the deep**

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Chapter 1:

Everything just hurts. The work-out has been intense, _'… TOO intense,' _Rachel talking him into just one more lap, then another and another, _'… Blaine would never have done this to me. Why did I not stick to working out with him? We were doing just fine, perfect really. Kissing is a wonderful exercise too, and we are really good at that. Perfect, definitely.'_

Just last weekend, Kurt and Blaine had proven in a double date with Mike and Tina that they can even kiss those two under the table, and that takes real stamina any day.

Kurt thinks back, grinning wildly, to the evening spent with movies and popcorn at Tina's place.

No drama, just four people in love and comfortable with showing it around each other, Kurt loves them, sometimes thinks he lives for those evenings and the nights that follow, more often than not, proving to him, every time, Blaine does too … love, him and those nights.

That very night, last Saturday, the both of them coming back to Kurt's place slightly light-headed and Blaine so riled up - like Kurt had been able to remember only ever having seen him hyped up on sugar before – the sex had been the most exciting, most passionate, Kurt reckons they have ever had.

Kurt's favorite part of that particular night though had been when Blaine had thought Kurt already fast asleep, wrapped up tightly in his arms, and had, cuddling closer still, mumbled into Kurt's hair, _"Just one more year, and we can be like that wherever we go, kiss, hold hands wherever we go; can invite Tina and Mike to New York and go out and be like that … wherever we are." _

Blaine, so certain Kurt had been asleep, had jumped, and tightened his hold around Kurt, when Kurt had unexpectedly whispered back, _"We will hold hands wherever we go, be one of those annoying lovy-dovy couples who never stop touching each other with so much love and care, and …," _and Blaine had cut him off with a kiss, deep, and no one had slept that night in Kurt's bed for two more hours, and really, if Kurt is honest with himself it is probably those two hours filled with touching and feeling, most of all feeling, that still is his favorite part of that particular Saturday night.

Kurt sighs, hand flying up to his collarbone, to the very spot he knows is still lightly purpled from the more than enthusiastic kiss Blaine had formed an impression of in his skin there.

Still thinking back to these days, nights, and with a small wave at Rachel, who beams at him through her side window one more time, as she leaves the parking lot in her car, he finally allows the real amount of exhaustion he has felt almost instantly since they had started two and a half hours ago, to show.

He winces climbing into his car, he had felt it this morning too already, the ache left from the previous two days working out with Rachel. _'I am fit, damn it, but Rachel is insane for working out like this more than three, max four times a week.'_

More swaying than walking over his doorstep, about twenty three minutes later, not even remembering the drive over at all, all the while distracted by a pain he had begun to feel under his left shoulder blade the day before, that has magnified now, he allows his exercise bag to drop to the floor, and looking down at it, instantly feels tempted to … _'Oh what the heck,' _is his last thought as he slumps down right there in the hallway, his head resting on the bag mainly stuffed with empty water bottles and towels, surprisingly comfortable, but maybe that is just Kurt's exhaustion talking, _'… quite possibly.'_

Only already lying there, not even caring he is still in his dirty, sweaty work-out clothes, Kurt hears the voices coming from the kitchen. _'Blaine?' _"Blaine, is that you?"

"Kurt," he hears Blaine's joyous tone, echoing through the ground floor before Blaine comes into view, eyes happily crinkled, and shining, then instantly turning wide and worried.

Kurt stretches out his arms wide, wincing again at the pain in his left shoulder as he makes grabby hands at Blaine, "Blaine."

Blaine is on his knees next to him before Kurt knows what is happening, "Kurt, what's wrong? Are you hurting?"

"Oh you know, just … everywhere! Rachel is insane. I get that she wants to help me be ready for auditions, but seriously she is just …."

"Rachel," Blaine supplies, expression now softened with relief.

"Rachel," Kurt echoes, still clearly exhausted. "I hope I can walk tomorrow, we have that family picnic planned for so long, I don't want to ruin it."

"Shh, Kurt, it's alright. I'll just carry you everywhere."

Kurt lets out an amused snort at that, instantly regretting it, as he winces at the pain in his upper stomach, almost whining a moment later, "I didn't even use these muscles …, I thought. I don't know how I'm aching in all these places. It's not like we had a tantric sex marathon."

"Who had a tantric sex marathon?" Burt appears grinning in the hallway, clearly having heard enough to know the answer already.

"Gosh, no one, Dad," Kurt mumbles through the hands covering his embarrassed features.

Blaine leans down to place a kiss to Kurt's forehead, "Sorry but 'Urgh,' you are sweaty, and not in a good way."

"I know," Kurt replies, peaking out between his fingers before, seeing his father no longer lingering in the doorway, allowing them to slide of his face. "I want a shower so bad. I just don't think I can ever move again. I will have to lay here, sweaty, sticky and disgusting until I die and rot into the floorboards."

"Or I could just run you a bath?" Blaine offers with a warm smile.

"Really?"

"Absolutely," Blaine is still beaming.

Kurt gasps in surprise when he feels himself being wrapped in Blaine's arms and lifted off the floor. "I thought we were saving the carrying around for our wedding?" Kurt teases.

"Oh don't worry, this is just for us, I don't plan to parade you up and down the street like this," then Blaine leans in and whispers for just Kurt to hear, lips brushing the shell of his left ear gently, "you are all mine."

He loves seeing the blush spread on Kurt's cheeks as he pulls back and takes in his surprised expression.

"Am I ever going to get into that bath?"

"I'll make sure of it," Blaine smiles softly as he makes his way upstairs, Kurt still tightly wrapped in his arms.

"I could get used to this," Kurt mumbles already sleepy sounding as they are half way up the stairs.

"Hey, stay awake," Blaine coaxes gently, "I won't have you drowning in your own bathtub."

"Well then I gueehhss," Kurt says through a yawn, "_someone_ will have to climb in there with me.

When the bathroom door has closed behind them, and Blaine has set Kurt back down onto his feet, holding on to Kurt a moment longer just to make sure he will not fall over, with his legs clearly painful to move, Kurt insists on doing the undressing himself, "All the sweat, not attractive in the least," and for Blaine to, "make yourself useful by taking of your own clothes, I would love to rip them off your body and get dirty, but one, I already am dirty and too, I can barely move enough to take off my own."

"And who was it that said again he would only ever get dirty with me?" Blaine smiles back teasingly at him, to the sound of the water already rushing from the faucets into the big white bathtub.

Fifteen minutes later finds them sinking into the cool, clear liquid, feeling so good on this hot day, and shocking enough life back into Kurt for a moment to remind him to ask what he had almost forgotten again, already melting back into the warmth of Blaine's embrace, feeling so good against his sore shoulder.

"Wait, you still haven't told me why you are here today. I thought we would pick you up tomorrow morning from your place?"

Smiling sadly Blaine, sitting behind Kurt in the tub, places a kiss into Kurt's hair, before beginning to gently run his wet hands through it, tenderly removing all the stick and sweat. Another kiss to the now wet hair, and then a whisper to the now almost fully asleep Kurt, "Just relax, you need this. We can talk later. I love you."

It is a mere mumbled murmur he receives in reply, "'ov'u", the edges of the words softened by the drowsiness drifting into Kurt's mind, but nothing could ever make these words coming from Kurt's mouth less clear to Blaine's ears. A simple, "Mmh," could at this moment have reached his core.

Blaine smiles as he places yet another kiss into his boyfriend's hair, "Sweet dreams," mind twisting and turning with worry soothed by the knowledge that, no matter what, right here, right now, he is loved by the boy in his arms.

Kurt wakes up on his bed clean and comfortable an hour later feeling more relaxed than he has ever since Rachel had first dragged him to training with her three weeks ago. Yes, it has been a prevailing torture.

It takes two turns on his bed and one deep breath from Kurt to fully realize why he is feeling so warm and all fuzzy inside and out. He squeals happily as he kicks his feet and buries his hands and face in his duvet, Blaine has dressed him in his own clothes. Sweatpants and simple T-shirt, but nothing could be ever less simple to Kurt than waking up in Blaine's clothes, "I love you so much. So so much, gosh, Blaine. How did I, what did I, … I just …," and Kurt does not even care about the ache reannouncing its presence when he swings himself of the bed and makes his way downstairs. It is oddly reminiscent of his earlier arrival at the house, making his way to the kitchen, filled with voices again.

"We can tell him together," Kurt hears his father's voice filling the room as he steps into it. He is surprised to find Blaine wrapped in his father's embrace, Carole holding one of Blaine's hands.

"Tell me what?" Kurt whispers into the stillness, not sure he wants to hear or know the answer.

"Kurt," he hears Blaine say into Burt's chest, and only now does he hear the wetness, in Blaine voice.

_'Tears?'_ With his next words Kurt's voice is clearly shaking with worry, a dreaded feeling of uncertainty, "What's wrong?"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Here you go, more words hopefully arranged in a to you pleasing manner.

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**Further in the deep**

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Chapter 2:

Blaine does not turn around to find Kurt's eyes.

He wants to, desperately, … but turning out of the man's arms, still holding him gently, feels wrong.

After all Burt is not, has never been, just any man. He, who is offering him hold so lovingly, in a way Blaine had never known from a father before Burt had first hugged him, mere weeks into his first summer as Kurt's boyfriend - the same way he hugs Kurt every time, full-heartedly – Burt is nothing short of precious to Blaine.

Burt, above all, to Blaine, will always remain the man who had first helped him understand that it is truly more than okay to show affection, not for Kurt alone but with other men as well, something Blaine's own father had never made nor even tried to allow him to understand, to feel freely.

Burt is open and warm, and had not ever hesitated to let Blaine know it. Blaine has always found it hard to read his own father, but being around Burt and Kurt had really made him realize how different things could, maybe should be. It had been a painful way for Blaine to find out what he is missing, what his father is missing for him. And no matter how hard Blaine keeps trying, love is nothing that can be manifactured. And Blaine wishes he could stop, but ... he cannot help wanting, needing.

Mr. Anderson had stopped so much as hugging his son the moment he had realized Blaine might be gay. That had been years before Blaine himself had even begun to worry about anything remotely related to love and sex.

To Blaine his father has just always been, as long as he can remember distant, with him, not with Cooper, … just him.

And of course Blaine had always worried about the _'Why?',_ slowly grown surer about it, slowly slipped deeper into the pain of realisations too obvious to keep pushing away._  
_

FAvorite son he is, at least Cooper does not gloat about it, not that.

Maybe if Blaine joines up all the dots one day he will come to the conclusion that Cooper is as self-absorbed as he is, or at least appears to be at first _and _second sight, as a mechanism of self-defense Cooper has developed a long time ago to not ever again have to talk to Blaine about their father's misguided favoring of one son over the other.

Cooper finds it hard talking about them, as brothers, because he just cannot see how their father could not come into that conversation sooner or later. No, they might just be better off as friends.

Kurt, all the while standing here on the – on his bare feet – cold feeling kitchen floor, while thoughts tangled, butchered, keep rushing through Blaine's head, tries again, even more anxious now, "Blaine? What's wrong, what happened?"

"No," is all Kurt hears Blaine's voice speak into Burt's chest in answer.

Kurt suddenly feels like someone is choking him, as his throat begins to tighten with anxiety, "You, … you don't want to tell me what's wrong?" Kurt's voice is so out of tune, it is on the point of breaking.

"No, Kurt, gosh, no, I do, but … but I wish I wouldn't have to, and … it wasn't, we weren't …," Blaine can't bring the words out.

Kurt now, hearing, seeing Blaine like this is certain, his exhaustion earlier has had him miss _something_. _'This did not just happen while I was asleep. The tone in which Blaine had earlier this afternoon first said my name had been all wrong, forced, a too up-beat sound, his eyes had shone, …tears?'_

And Kurt had indeed missed the fractured teardrops, broken up by a shirt-sleeve, still clinging to Blaine's cheeks, and the remainder of those very same tears soaked into Blaine's T-shirt-sleeve, earlier tears in dozens soaked into the left shoulder of Burt's shirt, hidden from Kurt with one quick shift into profile, as Burt had followed Blaine out into the hall to check on the two of them.

Kurt _really _could have known then, because Burt _never _intrudes into their space the way he had done today. The first minutes of them meeting each other at the Hummel's, no matter what the circumstances, are always reserved for them alone. Because Burt knows it is their only time, their chance to meet the way other couples do, with a kiss, a long hug, eyes bright and happy with comfort felt clear. And Burt wants those to be their memories alone to share; all the while comforted and comfortable himself in the knowledge that the boys feel free to just be, in the Hummels' home.

Burt is the one who speaks up when Blaine continues to struggle to bring out any words, "We weren't talking about you, Kurt."

Kurt just looks more confused now, pain still bleeding into the expression in his eyes, of overwhelmingly strong felt concern. Kurt finally brings out all he knows how to in this moment,"I don't understand."

Kurt's pained voice is what has Blaine turn around to look at his boyfriend.

Love is hard, but almost nothing is harder than having to witness someone you love being in pain.

And while Kurt has had his boyfriend's pain claw at his open eyes mercilessly ever since he stepped into the kitchen minutes ago, Blaine feels Kurt's pain seep deep into his marrow with Kurt's words of fear and deep concern, love.

Blaine's eyes meeting Kurt's say nothing other, nothing less than '_I am so sorry you are in pain … because of me.'_

Kurt, knows what Blaine is thinking, with one look alone. Shaking his head Kurt reaches out his hands for Blaine while he truly takes in now just how red Blaine's eyes really are from crying.

Blaine takes the first step out of Burt's arms at the same time as Kurt too takes a step towards his boyfriend.

One more step, the impact is almost like a collision. Blaine instantly buries his face in Kurt's chest, feeling like leaving this world behind, or at least keeping it outside Kurt's arms for some more moments, as many as he can have with Kurt - just them, _'… just us. I need you.'_

They just stand holding on.

"I want you to know everything, Kurt." Kurt can feel Blaine tense and his breath stutter as he brings out, "… he just never stops. I want to hate him, why can't I just hate him and be through with it all."

"Your dad?"

He feels Blaine nod into his chest.

Kurt glances worried between Burt and Carole, standing with each other before them, before he asks swallowing hard, and untightening his hold a little, "Did he hit you again? We … I … I saw you … there was nothing on your body …. Did I miss that too?"

"Kurt, the last time he hit me I was five."

"I needed to make sure. And don't say that like it doesn't count because it happens to have happened a while ago. He didn't hit you then, but …, he hurt you," it is not a question at all this time.

"He, ... he," Blaine grows quiet overwhelmed with new tears, "he says I have to choose."


	3. Chapter 3

**Further in the deep**

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Chapter 3:

"Choose ... what?" Kurt asks, voice small and defeated, scared of the answer.

"He says, …," Blaine's next words are spluttered out so quickly, there is just no sense to be made of them.

Blaine's obvious confusion and pain pulls Kurt back out of his own thoughts, his fears, deep enough to drown in,"Whoa, whoa, stop, Blaine, stop! Slow down, Baby. Breathe, then tell me, how did you end up here today before I came back from training?"

Blaine pulls himself upright, though not at all out of Kurt's arms. Centering himself, eyes closing and taking several deep breaths, Blaine lets out one more sob and then grows quiet surprisingly quickly.

Well, his body does, as soon as he opens his mouth again the tremble no longer visible in his body resurfaces in Blaine's voice.

"Mmy Mmom and I were sitting on the living room couch, talking about you and I, about us, about New York and how hhauw I've been sad lately about you leaving, not so soon but still too soon." There is actually a small, desperate, smile forming on his lips as Blaine goes on, "… she has been worried about me."

Kurt knows Blaine needs that, needs the people in his life to let him know, actually know, with words, out loud, that they care, most people.

Kurt smiles sympathetically at Blaine as he gently guides one hand in a soothing motion through Blaine's hair. There are a lot of special little ways the two of them know to sooth one another with things other than words. They are essential when not wanting to interrupt each other's thoughts with words of their own.

This is one of these moments.

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A/N: I know, very short, but there is a reason for that. The next chapter just has to stand on its own. ... because, you guys, my guess is it will be nothing any of you expected in the midst of this story. I sure was surprised for a sec when I wrote it.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Yep, I just totally had to raise the rating to M;) For good reasons only though, I promise! Would love to know what you think.

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**Further in the deep**

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Chapter 4:

Blaine loves, needs, to talk about almost everything to reassure himself it is real.

He has often sat wondering if that need has anything to do with his father ignoring everything about him, good or bad, so completely.

More than once Blaine has felt tempted to walk into the kitchen, take all the plates out of the cupboards and start smashing them on floor and walls, just to see if it would get any reaction out of his father. He cannot help picture the man, even then, walking, without one blink directed at Blaine through the kitchen and out the backdoor, like a soldier on a mission through a war zone.

This damaged relationship, unhealthy, with his father, has changed him, Blaine knows that, and a lot of the time it scares him, has him worry - especially when he can feel it bleed into his relationship with Kurt, insecurities, fear, rising all too fast, reassurance needed, Blaine fears, too often.

Feeling lost and abandoned, with Kurt focused on his NYADA-audition, Blaine is all too aware, his need to be reassured of their love had almost cost him their relationship, had almost had him lose Kurt altogether, just weeks ago.

Although, it has its upsides too, Blaine's hunger for words.

Not seldom has Kurt heard Blaine just blurt stuff out that he needs to say, not in the least his first _I love you,_ ever, to Kurt.

In bed too, Blaine talks.

They have only just begun to explore kinks, within the last two months, but this one particular aspect has not ever really been a kink per se.

They have tried dirty talking, just last week – which had ended with both of them in tears of laughter, for minutes, when both had tried to get a little more creative.

But this has nothing to do with dirty talking, or any kink, any kink at all. This is Blaine, has been, always.

And part of both of them has known that since their first night of exploring bodies freely, back in November, taking the other in as a whole, for the first time.

The first time, their first time, they had given all they could possibly be in that moment to one another.

Touching, exploring, allowing each other to just be with the other so close, kissing and moaning, lips on skin always, while they had worked each other into ecstasy brimming over with love, hands warm, fingers first gentle then tight and wanting, wrapped around each other's members.

Even back then, that first time coming, together, Blaine had been the one breaking up the moans with words swallowed whole, almost, by Kurt.

The next times they had been together Kurt had started listening closer to the amazing sounds Blaine makes when his face is buried so close to Kurt's ear, in his shoulder or neck.

It is the sexiest thing Kurt ever could have imagined, has come grinding, naked or clothed, ever since November, so many times, just from hearing Blaine, even when the movements had still been slow and building, so many times that one time after, he had been the one to sit Blaine down on his bed to have a conversation, feeling the need to explain himself, beet red and even though this had been Blaine there with him, high-strung, if not embarrassed.

"The sounds you make," Kurt had started, "they turn me on, _so much_, I just, I can't keep it together."

Blaine had been beet red then too, but licking his lips had said in a low aimed-at-sexy tone "Like what?"

"Oh my gosh ...," Kurt had started laughing, "I so get it now, what you must have seen when we performed _Animal_, so not the same when you try."

Blaine crawling across the bed to the edge Kurt had been tentatively sitting on all along during the talk had responded by pulling Kurt with nothing more than lips on lips into a deep kiss.

Blaine loves it, kissing, hands held back by both boys, just lips touching, bodies leaning in, closer and closer, _'Shit … do I have a bondage kink.' _The thrill that had run through him that day had surely felt like a _YES, gosh yes!_

"Well, so, um, the sounds I make, I, um, … I guess all we can do then is...," Blaine had waggled with his eyebrows suggestively, making Kurt laugh out loud, _'__gosh I love this sound,'_ and himself grin wide as he had talked on,"...and this time you will have to pay even closer attention, and call me out on them, so I get what exactly I am doing to you," Blaine had breathed heavily as they had pulled out of the kiss.

"Okay," Kurt had squeaked out between laughter, as Blaine, still smiling wide himself, had tackled him to the mattress.


	5. Chapter 5

**Further in the deep**

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Chapter 5:

Kurt's touches are gentle, not urgent at all, but reassuring, as Blaine swallows hard then …

"She was really great, earlier. I …, she loves me, and there was a time I didn't know if she still would with my father being even more distant than before I came out to them. I was so relieved to be send to Dalton when the …, after the … the thing had happened." Kurt stays quiet, tries for calm but inside he is tearing up. He knows Blaine does not like to talk about …, to even be reminded of that day, now years in the past; the climax to the most desperate, lonely time in Blaine's life.

So what Kurt does is feather-light run his hand up and down Blaine's left arm, hoping to create some comfort for Blaine. "I …, sorry, I'm not making any sense to you am I?" Blaine suddenly asks, pleading with Kurt through the tears gathering in his eyes.

"I get it, I get it all, Blaine, Love. I'm not sure where you are going with it though," Kurt answers softly.

"Mom might end up with nothing if he leaves her."

"Are your parents divorcing, Blaine?" Kurt asks, still confused.

"He says he's going to leave her, and take everything he can if I don't split up with you when you leave for New York, and that I won't be allowed to follow you, wherever you go. He just stormed in when Mom and I were drinking our hot chocolate on the sofa and started shouting at us," Blaine is a blubbering mess now, through a waterfall of tears. "I got up and left, and I could not even bring myself to turn around when my Mom called for me before she started shouting right back at him. She hates shouting, but with him that is all you can do sometimes, shout back.

Kurt has only met Mr. Anderson twice, if you can call wordlessly standing in the same room meeting. But he can see it easily, the man, tall and imposing, bearing down on everyone not of his opinion in the slightest way.

"I remember those fights from when I was younger. I don't remember what they were about. All I remember is he just kept screaming and screaming at her until she could do nothing but walk away or shout back. I hate it. I hate it so much. Cooper always shouted back, always. Until the day he left. Maybe that is why he always liked Cooper better than me, I always just got up and walked away. Maybe that is why I ran from the bullying, I did not know, I could not … I don't know how to deal with that stuff sometimes, I don't know how to talk back. And I hate, HATE, screaming and shouting and all that pointless noise. I don't want to have to listen to that anymore," and then Blaine almost sobs out in the loudest voice Kurt has ever heard him in since his scream had echoed in the parking garage after the rock-salt slushy had hit him, "Why can't there just be quiet for once." But with the next sentence Blaine's voice already shrinks into a broken whisper, "I need some quiet, just … just…."

Kurt has tried to hold back and just listen, all this time, now he pulls Blaine deep in his embrace, just holds him, the silence surrounding them turning after a little tense while, with Kurt so close, into comfort Blaine allows himself to sink into, held up only by Kurt, who stands there with him, simply holding Blaine despite the ache resurfacing in his muscles more prominently now.

Kurt allows Blaine to rest like Blaine had earlier in the bath done for him – like they do for and with each other every time they make love.

When Kurt begins to feel Blaine stir again, he asks, as softly as he can muster, "What do you wanna do?" - swallowing around that big lump in his throat, and tightening his arms around Blaine. Kurt's whole body is thrumming with one thought: I can't lose you!

When the answer comes it is a broken whisper, " I don't even know who he is trying to punish with this, or what for. I know he hates me. But ..., does he really hate her this much for supporting me, for ... for still loving me?"


	6. Chapter 6

****A/N: Hope you guys are still intrigued and enjoying the read. That's all:)

**Further in the deep**

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Chapter 6:

Into the silence, breaking only slowly with Kurt's soft reassuring murmurs, a helpless, dry laugh escapes Blaine's lips.

He even snorts before growing all too quiet, then, what feels like minutes later … repeating Kurt's words, voice brimming over with unspoken pain, helplessness, sitting deep, "What do I want to do?"

And then, then there is determination too, slowly growing stronger with each and every word, Blaine's right cheek resting against Kurt's right shoulder now, Kurt's arms secure and warm around Blaine's body, "That's what your dad asked before you came in."

Kurt simply softly hums in acknowledgment of this new information.

Blaine can feel the vibrations reverberate in Kurt's chest against his own, breathes deep before he says, "I said I want to go tell my father that he can scare me, yes, and refuse to love me, to show me any love, not that he ever did before, not that I can remember. But that I won't let him scare me into throwing away the love I have for you and the love you …."

Then there are hands gently cupping both his cheeks, lips warm and soft on Blaine's.

When they break apart Kurt rests their foreheads together, eyes softly having drifted shut, "I love you. I told you before: you are not going to lose me. As long as it is up to me you are not ever going to lose me."

Holding Kurt tighter, closer, Blaine whispers back, as if afraid of breaking the moment, their moment, but needing to all get it out now, "You are amazing, your family is amazing. Your dad, he …, he offered to come along, because my father is less likely to scream at me in front of strangers, image and …things. And I need to get those words out all at once or I won't …, might not at all. I'm scared what will happen to my mom. I can't destroy her life. She thinks I don't know, but she has worked so hard on keeping our family together, on keeping smiling no matter how high the tensions run, and those are insanely out of control now. And as much as I want her to be happy, I can't let him destroy me, not anymore, it's too hard for me, I can't, I just can't. And I know he'll never stop on his own. I just wish he would stop trying to bend everyone around him in what he thinks they need to be, when really all it is is what he thinks he needs them to be."

"Are you sure your mom even wants to be with him anymore?" Carole's voice drifts over gently.

Blaine turns to look at Burt and Carole, who had retreated to the kitchen table on the other side of the room minutes ago already, giving the boys space. Blaine's eyes are wide and full of confusion when he asks, "Why else would she work so hard on keeping him happy?"

"Maybe she is trying to bring …," Carole is interrupted by the doorbell ringing.


	7. Chapter 7

**Further in the deep**

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Chapter 7:

Burt presses a kiss to her forehead and gets up, "I'll see who it is, probably Tim, from the garage, he wanted to stop by and ask for my advice about something, keep talking."

"Blaine, maybe she did it for Cooper and you."

"What … I don't …," but before Blaine can get his question, or answer, or whatever it would have been out, Burt comes back into the kitchen. "Blaine, your mom is here, I told her she could wait in the living room and I'd go to see if you'd like to talk to her."

"I don't know what to say. She must hate me."

"Blaine," Burt tries, "she did not look angry at all, worried, but not angry."

"Really?"

Burt nods, nothing but kindness in his expression.

Blaine has never before found this one word so hard to carry past his lips, "Okay."

His heart starts pounding faster as soon as he turns to take the first step out of Kurt's arms.

"Wait," he hears Kurt's voice, sounding somewhat hesitant. "Do you, um, do you want me to come with you?"

"I love you," Blaine answers, throwing himself back into Kurt's arms, "But … I need to do this alone."

Squeezing Blaine tight one more time Kurt lets go, "I'm right here if you need me."

Blaine nods shakily, swallows hard and then taking a deep breath walks out into the living room.

He sees his mom sitting there, her back turned to him while she seems to be looking out into the backyard through the big windows and glass door, opening the living room up to it.

"Mom?"

Sara Anderson turns toward her son's voice, a moment later jumps to her feet and with only a couple of long strides she is holding him tightly in her arms.

"Mom," Blaine repeats voice full of tears and relief now. "I'm so so sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing at all, HunBun. Nothing. You hear me?"

Blaine cannot bring out the words, but she can feel Blaine nod into her chest. "Good. I love you, and you did nothing wrong, absolutely nothing."

"But … but I just got up and ran. Cooper, Coop would have …."

Sara breaks him off, "Shh, shh, Blaine, you are not your brother and I'm not your father. I will never ask you to be either of them in any way. I love _you_."

"I love you too," Blaine says between tears fresh.

"See, we are better than fine, we have each other. Yes?"

Blaine caught up in his own head still can only nod.

Sara knows what that means, has never forgotten, never ignored, like her husband still does, how Blaine had reacted to all the pain in his life. He has never been a loud angry person like Mr. Anderson is, like Cooper can be, when he thinks he needs to be and had been, therefore, much more so when he had still lived with his parents and Blaine.

And it has, all this has put an unfair, by both boys unwanted, distance between the siblings, a wall too that is so hard to ever bring down again, their mother knows.

Sara cannot help but blame herself a little that she has not taken the kids years ago and left the man causing Blaine, and Cooper, so much unhappiness.

"I'm sorry, _I_'m the one who should be sorry, Blaine."

"Why?" Blaine asks pulling back a little and looking at his mom, eyes wide and still overflowing with tears.

"I want to answer that, but first … um, do you want Kurt with us, his parents too? It's fine with me if it's fine with you. I know they all care deeply about you. And I'm sorry," she adds, tears unmistakably shooting up into her eyes, "I am so sorry that your father has never cared half as much about you as they do."

Blaine looks surprised more than shocked at hearing his mom say this.

She can see it in his face right away, "It's true. We both have know it since the day you and Kurt met and he brought his family into our lives. _They_ love you. And I'm so happy for you. Happy that with Kurt in your life you too got the family you'd deserved all along. I know you had a lot of friends ever since you started Dalton, the Warblers, but you were always lonely at home, and that just wasn't right. Never could be. I'm so so sorry I kept trying to make it work, despite my gut feeling. We should have left him years ago. I just thought, I thought he had finally begun to change when all of a sudden after you told us about you and Kurt he showed interest in you again as a person."

Blaine tenses at the mention of a childhood he cannot remember himself, a time in which, _'… in which he did not avoid, did not ignore and hate me.'_

__Sara leads her son back over to the couch, they both sit down, close.

"Blaine, I need you to try and understand, your father is not a bad person, he does not set out to hurt anyone. Looking for answers, as a kid, as a teenager, in his parents' home, he found …, he got offered all the wrong ones. And was told they are right, worse, the _only _right way to see anything, … everything. I had hoped for him to reach out to you for so long that I was so damn _blind_."

"Mom? What do you mean?" Blaine whispers, voice small, … scared.

"I didn't get it, and I should've. … that taking us on weekend trips with him all of a sudden was all along just a way to keep you and Kurt apart, as much as possible. Not at all about bringing you and your dad closer."

Blaine is in tears, sudden and bitter, as he asks, "Did he say that?"

"He didn't have to, HunBun. As soon as he stormed in earlier and put that insane pressure on you, such an insane choice to force a kid to make, … I knew. It's how he has been taught, has been trained to think, at home, at business school. If you want someone to do something put them under pressure. When we met I thought I could help him be freer, but then he started working for his own father and, ever since, there has just not been any getting between them. Your father likes to know what to expect. With his father he knows. So he stays where he is told to, does not even consider stopping for a moment to think for himself. He probably thinks he even knows what to expect from Cooper, no matter how wild he got; because he saw more of himself in Cooper than he does in you."

Blaine flinches at her words, stinging, scary.

"No, no, HunBun. Cooper is nothing like your father either. All they have in common is that Cooper screamed right back at him whenever they got into a fight, and you, you did the brave thing, the really brave thing, let him talk and go, leave and hold on to yourself. That is the much much harder thing to do, believe me. I have struggled with both, experimented with both ways for years. Your father, and that is the important thing to remember, does not see either of you, Cooper or you, clear. He has his idea and works with that. You, being brave and unpredictable, so so brave," she adds, caressing his cheek with her soft palmed hand, "he does not know how to react to you, how to be with you as a father or a friend. And that is his problem. There is nothing wrong with you, HunBun. Nothing. You hear me?"

Blaine looks up at his mom, "So you are not mad at me?"

Sara pulls her son deep into her arms. When he buries himself in her comforting warmth, she whispers in his hair, "HunBun, you are wonderful, I love you. And there is no reason for me to be mad at you. If anyone should be mad with someone, you should be the one angry with me, I stayed with him, I had us stay with him for far, far, too long. I should have left. _We _should have left him when you were five and he hit you."

Blaine's voice is small, "You remember that?"

"I remember every single time one of you, my boys, got hurt. Scraping keens, falling of a bike, hitting your head the one time you had to follow your brother's example and try a back somersault into the swimming pool. I don't forget these things you know? A mom and a decent father, unlike yours, remembers these things, cannot help remember, because all you want to do is protect your babies from getting hurt like that ever again."

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did you want Kurt in here, … and his parents?"

"Because all else I have to say has to do with both of you. You and Kurt, and well …, in part me. Wanne hear it first, or should we get them in here?"

"Can I ask them if they want to come join us?"

"Of course, HunBun. Go ahead."

Blaine places a kiss to his mom's cheek before getting up and legs shaky walking back towards the kitchen.

The first thing he sees when he enters is the nervous wreck that is one Kurt Hummel – _'…biting his fingernails?'_ "Kurt, your nails."

Kurt stares at his hand absentmindedly for a moment longer, then, in a flash, is in front of Blaine, looks him up and down once, as if to make sure there are no battle wounds what so ever, and then he pulls Blaine deep into his arms.

Blaine sag's against him instantly, arms coming around Kurt's waist, head buried in Kurt's shoulder – just breathing deep for a minute or two before he says, "I'm okay. I'm okay."

"The heck you are. You're shaking, Blaine."

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A/N: I actually wrote all of this story back in August, but I only just now found the time, and energy, to edit it, that's why the updates are coming so fast now. I edit this story to calm my nerves in the evenings after stressful days right now. Oh, and I'd love to know your feelings and opinions about my OC, Sara Anderson. She is so real to me, and I don't even know why. I don't know anyone like that. Well, my mum in a way, but it destroyed her, so I guess I wrote Sara Anderson the way I did, because part of me wishes my mom could have come out of her fight stronger instead of utterly broken. Shit, sorry, crying, the truth wanted out, and I guess I needed to admit to it, to acknowledge. Thanks for reading. Please let me know your thoughts. It would mean so much to me. xo AweSoMeLAgain


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **This is how far the pre-written material went, and it does feel like a full story to me; about the love Blaine's mom has for him, and how Blaine is not as alone has he has often felt. Having said that, I have some more chapters in my head for this, which I will gladly write (maybe as **a sequel?**) should you like to read them, I am aware not all questions are answered in this. Blaine's mom has some amazing ideas/plans for their future:), after all she is not going back with Blaine to that place her husband has poisoned for years.**  
**

Enough gloom, enjoy the final chapter.

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**Further in the deep**

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Chapter 8:

Blaine is still overwhelmed, cocooned into Kurt's arms, cuddled into the warm, soft quiet he finds there, when the boys are startled by the sound of a kitchen utensil cluttering to the floor.

"Sorry," Burt murmurs as he picks up the peeler and walking over to the sink rinses it quickly before setting back to work on the vegetables in front of him.

"My, um, … my mom is asking for all of us, if it's okay with you," Blaine almost whispers, voice unsure, as he keeps watching Burt and Carole working away.

Turning to face Blaine and seeing Blaine's eyes on the food, Carole replies to the unspoken question with a smile, "Pumpkin soup. I love it."

Blaine smiles at her, eyes still a little teary, "Me too."

"Great," Carole says warm and welcoming.

"Yeah," Blaine says, eyes brightening with the love he feels for his late-in-life-found family he wants to call home.

Burt, after putting the greens and carrots, peeled and diced, into the pot, moves over to Carole to help with the rest of the pumpkin, then turns to the boys and says, "You two go ahead, we will be with you in five minutes. We'll bring some tea too," he adds, putting the electric kettle on before he picks up a knife and one of the last chunks of uncut pumpkin.

Kurt can feel Blaine hesitating a moment before he turns around towards the door, Kurt's right hand firmly held in his own left.

They take their time walking back to the living room, and Kurt can feel the hesitation still lingering in Blaine's limbs, so quickly places a kiss to Blaine's left temple and whispers, "I'm here," before they round the corner and Blaine's mom comes in sight.

"Kurt!" She sounds really happy as she almost jumps up off the couch and walks over to embrace the surprised boy.

"Hello, Mrs. Anderson," Kurt replies half hugging back while still holding on to Blaine's hand. Reassuring him that he is on Blaine's side, by Blaine's side, no matter what else happens tonight, tomorrow, Kurt would like to think _'… ever.'_

"Sara," she corrects him.

"Sara," Kurt gives in with a smile.

"Don't be nervous, HunBun," she says seeing Blaine's tense expression.

"I'm not," but Blaine's tone says everything, and Kurt is here for Blaine tonight so does not think twice before …

"… Blaine?" As soon as Blaine turns his head to him Kurt captures his lips with his own.

Blaine is visibly surprised at first but quickly settles into the comforting, loving touch of Kurt lips meeting his, his Kurt's; letting out a deep sigh and tension with it.

"Better?" Kurt asks pulling back.

And Blaine offers several quick, tiny nods in answer, biting his lower lip while soaking up some of the warmth in Kurt's gaze.

"Good," Kurt says softly as they sit down on one end of the couch, snuggle further and further into each other's sides, as Mrs. Anderson sits down on the other end of the couch.

She does not comment on what just happened, even though it was the first time she has ever seen her baby boy do more than hug his boyfriend. She does not beam at them, feels it would be a vile intrusion of personal space, instead smiles to herself, looking down at her own hands clasped in her lap, and Kurt can see now where Blaine has his manner of quiet, almost contemplative happiness from.

Kurt is the one to speak first. "I'd ask how you have been, Sara, but …."

"… but you already know things aren't that easy today?"

"Yeah," Kurt says, nodding, holding Blaine closer.

"I, um I asked to talk to both of you, because …," she takes a deep breath, "I think we should wait for your parents, Kurt. I want them to be okay with me talking to you, both of you, about this."

"They are just finishing up preparing dinner, they'll be with us in a moment."

Sara nods at Kurt, smiling, then turns to look at Blaine and sees the worry and misery in his face, eyes downcast.

_'Right,' _Kurt thinks, _'there is that side too,'_ one Kurt likes much less, _'... the quiet, dead quiet, retreating and suffering in silence part.'_ Kurt really does not like that one at all, rendering him powerless to help Blaine feel, get better, happy again.

"HunBun, I promise it is nothing bad. Promise." She holds back her reaching out for Blaine's hands when she sees the boys' hands finding each other and forming a gentle reassuring hold for both of them.

"HunBun?" Kurt asks, smiling softly into the skin at Blaine's temple as he presses another kiss there, knowing Blaine needs physical reassurances Kurt is still right here with him, something Blaine had never gotten enough of at home.

"He never told you about his childhood pet?" Sara asks smiling a little brighter.

"No," he answers before turning to Blaine, "You had a bunny?"

Blaine's own lips twitch into a smile before he says, "Honey."

"Yes?" Kurt replies.

And then a laugh escapes Blaine's lips that even surprises him, "No, Kurt, her name was _Honey_. I don't remember how I came up with it," he says glancing over at his mom, sure she has a story or two to tell about that, like many moms would.

"Sure you want me to tell it, HunBun?" Sara says exchanging a soft smile with Blaine.

Blaine nods, smile turning a little sheepish now, almost certain there must be some kind of tiny embarrassment in it for him.

"Okay. So, Blaine was five when I got him a pet rabbit for his birthday, and he insisted that he couldn't just name her, that she would tell him what her name was on her own time. So we had this nameless bunny hopping all around the house … until one day, weeks later, when we were baking in the kitchen and Blaine had by accident dropped a small spoon with honey on it on the kitchen floor, apologizing to me and cuddling me because, okay, not so sweet part here, my husband would have yelled at him for it, and he was scared I would too, or worse, because, at that point, it had not been that long since Blaine had been hit by him. So, anyway, … when we turned back around and I crouched on the floor, with Blaine still in my arms, to pick up the spoon, his bunny came hopping along the floor and got to the spoon before us, licking it. And, I will never forget his beaming smile. Blaine just jumped out of my arms and then up and down, clapping his little hands. Shouting, _"Look! Honey! Look, I told you! I told you Honey would tell me her name."_ It was wonderful to watch."

She had been looking at the couch before her for the most part of the story, reminiscing, remembering, only occasionally glancing over to catch Kurt or Blaine's eyes. As she looks up now she finds Blaine turned to his side a little, face, cheeks reddened, buried in Kurt's shoulder, Kurt just pressing a kiss into Blaine's curls, free and wild, it is a murmur, carried by the softness in Kurt's voice to Blaine's ears only, "And here I was thinking you couldn't get any cuter."

Sara smiles too, and goes on, " Blaine loved that bunny so much, and he spent so much time with her, that soon I started calling for both of them when I was looking for him, she often listened better to me than he would, lost in reading or playing, drawing. And eventually, after Honey had passed away some years later, it became my nickname for Blaine alone, HunBun." Ducking her head a little and finding Blaine's eyes, Sara adds, "It is the sweetest memory of you I have. I will never forget how happy you looked. I want nothing more than see you that happy again, and always. And with Kurt I can tell, I can see you are, truly are, that happy. I will never, NEVER, HunBun, take that away from you."

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A/N: Honey and Blaine, I am just ... all fuzzy feelings ever:) Hope you loved it as much as I do, I had never written kid!Blaine before, it feels amazing.

So, a sequel? Just drop me a line to let me know if you'd like to read it. Much appreciated. Thank you for reading, reviewing, love and helpful comments. As always, a pleasure socialising with you.


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